Tesco Value Bitter.

You know the whole point of drinking when your poor and fed up is to kill the mental angst, drown it if you will in a  soup of cheap chemicals and ethanol. One dark and stormy night I ventured out with £1.05 in search of quick bang from a cheap product, I was perhaps hoping that Frosty Jacks or White Lightning was discounted at my local branch of Spar.  Alas, no such "luck" and I was forced to pop into to the nearby branch of shitty supermarket, Tesco. Searching the wine aisle I could find nothing at this rock bottom price but the blue striped 4 pack from hell, Value bitter.  Value bitter is a contradiction in terms.  It is cheap, but it is no way value as it tastes like metal and has about 0.00008% booze in it.  You might as well be washing out a bottle of surgical spirit and drinking the resulting fluid.  How Tesco manage to get such a strong metal taste into a liquid is a flaming miracle, lick a lump of iron ore, its pretty much the same effect.  The horrifying fact is that there is a whole range of this tripe, running from Value lager to Value Gin.  Value gin need not be tested, its sits there on the shelf suggesting that 2 sips may make you blind.  In fact I bet you £100 that its never been near a juniper berry, let alone the 47 excellent flavourings in a glorious product such as Tanqueray. Value whisky surely is just turps coloured with a tincy bit of black treacle, flavoured by nothing more than the tears of a thousand Laphroaig drinkers. The most frightening of all must be Value vodka, which must lead to thousands of alcoholics to wander the streets of our nation in a confused manner, involuntarily voiding their bladder and bowels at the slightest shock.  So in summary, if you fancy picking up the washing up bowl after a particularly greasy roast has been washed up, then Value bitter has a very similar effect.  Avoid as if your life depends on it.